Regrets and repents.

In life we all have an unspeakable secret, an irreversible regret, an unreachable dream and an unforgettable love.

Without a doubt the year that has gone by  was a tough for me.   I was short on patience, and as a result handled my life a little more loosly than I should have.  I started to doubt why My life was the way it was and the things that I thought I was missing out on.

But, Sometimes struggles are exactly what we need in our life. If we were to go through our life without any obstacles, we would be crippled. We would not be as strong as what we could have been. Give every opportunity a chance, leave no room for regrets.

Then came reflection  in my self.  I had to beg for forgiveness from the god above.   I was wrong.  In a moment or moments of weakness I gave in to Things I shud'nt have and took for granted the gifts that I had been given.  This has taught me a pretty powerful lesson.

I prayed long and hard to be blessed with peace.   It's all I ever wanted and want. With everything going on with people that are in my family and friends that I know, the problems i have been highlighting to myself are the least of any problems and should still be considered a blessing at the end of the day.  Mom told me once, that maybe God did not want me to live the way I wanted to. May be he had a better plan for me and so gave me what I deserved the most. But as mentioned earlier, I failed to recognize god's gifts.   A hard pill to swallow.  Why would he deny someone who so much just wanted to love and cherish a life as much as any one did?  I forgot how much I prayed and ask for the things that I have.  Now I have them; 2 beautiful, heathly, loving children.  A winderful family and a caring environment.  God forgive me for taking for granted the beautiful gifts that you felt I deserved.

What's more loving than my son saying - " I love you mommy" or get to hear that concerned enquiry from my daughter when I am facing challenges.    Those tiny hands and  feet, the jhonsons baby smell, the little first steps, first words, first day of school, and beautiful family pictures, that awsome family time, the minor fights between my kids, those innocent complaint, oh the list just goes on and on. Im really blessed to experience these.   I had not thought about how I would feel if tomorrow they were not there, and I had to go through the rest of my life without seeing what their full potential was or could have been.

My lovely kids,  you mean more to me than any person on earth. you mean more to me than the ability to be an entreprenuer, and you mean more to me than any gift in the universe. 

Children, remember, your amma loves you more than any of those things.  One day, it wont be young anymore to take ur care. I wont be able to hold ur finger and take you out. I will in turn try to hold your finger and walk on. You will then no longer have to wait for me to come home from office, I will look forward to you coming home and talking to me.    That day will come all too soon.  So I will remember more everyday from here on out how important these days are and how I should never again take for granted the gifts named Nidhir and Hasanthi  that God has graciously given to me, and trusted to my care for my entire life.

God thank you for making me realize that there is more joy to be found in a baby's admiration of his mommy than the love of any other person.   I will love my family  forever and ever and I promise to try harder to be a better mother and a better person.