Regrets and repents.

In life we all have an unspeakable secret, an irreversible regret, an unreachable dream and an unforgettable love.

Without a doubt the year that has gone by  was a tough for me.   I was short on patience, and as a result handled my life a little more loosly than I should have.  I started to doubt why My life was the way it was and the things that I thought I was missing out on.

But, Sometimes struggles are exactly what we need in our life. If we were to go through our life without any obstacles, we would be crippled. We would not be as strong as what we could have been. Give every opportunity a chance, leave no room for regrets.

Then came reflection  in my self.  I had to beg for forgiveness from the god above.   I was wrong.  In a moment or moments of weakness I gave in to Things I shud'nt have and took for granted the gifts that I had been given.  This has taught me a pretty powerful lesson.

I prayed long and hard to be blessed with peace.   It's all I ever wanted and want. With everything going on with people that are in my family and friends that I know, the problems i have been highlighting to myself are the least of any problems and should still be considered a blessing at the end of the day.  Mom told me once, that maybe God did not want me to live the way I wanted to. May be he had a better plan for me and so gave me what I deserved the most. But as mentioned earlier, I failed to recognize god's gifts.   A hard pill to swallow.  Why would he deny someone who so much just wanted to love and cherish a life as much as any one did?  I forgot how much I prayed and ask for the things that I have.  Now I have them; 2 beautiful, heathly, loving children.  A winderful family and a caring environment.  God forgive me for taking for granted the beautiful gifts that you felt I deserved.

What's more loving than my son saying - " I love you mommy" or get to hear that concerned enquiry from my daughter when I am facing challenges.    Those tiny hands and  feet, the jhonsons baby smell, the little first steps, first words, first day of school, and beautiful family pictures, that awsome family time, the minor fights between my kids, those innocent complaint, oh the list just goes on and on. Im really blessed to experience these.   I had not thought about how I would feel if tomorrow they were not there, and I had to go through the rest of my life without seeing what their full potential was or could have been.

My lovely kids,  you mean more to me than any person on earth. you mean more to me than the ability to be an entreprenuer, and you mean more to me than any gift in the universe. 

Children, remember, your amma loves you more than any of those things.  One day, it wont be young anymore to take ur care. I wont be able to hold ur finger and take you out. I will in turn try to hold your finger and walk on. You will then no longer have to wait for me to come home from office, I will look forward to you coming home and talking to me.    That day will come all too soon.  So I will remember more everyday from here on out how important these days are and how I should never again take for granted the gifts named Nidhir and Hasanthi  that God has graciously given to me, and trusted to my care for my entire life.

God thank you for making me realize that there is more joy to be found in a baby's admiration of his mommy than the love of any other person.   I will love my family  forever and ever and I promise to try harder to be a better mother and a better person.

A beautiful flower

The Most Beautiful Flower

The park bench was deserted as I sat down to read Beneath the long, straggly branches of an old willow tree. Disillusioned by life with good reason to frown, For the world was intent on dragging me down.

And if that weren't enough to ruin my day, A young boy out of breath approached me, all tired from play. He stood right before me with his head tilted down And said with great excitement, "Look what I found!"

In his hand was a flower, and what a pitiful sight, With its petals all worn - not enough rain, or too little light. Wanting him to take his dead flower and go off to play, I faked a small smile and then shifted away.

But instead of retreating he sat next to my side And placed the flower to his nose and declared with surprise, "It sure smells pretty and it's beautiful, too. That's why I picked it; here, it's for you."

The weed before me was dying or dead. Not vibrant of colors, orange, yellow or red. But I knew I must take it, or he might never leave. So I reached for the flower, and replied, "Just what I need."

But instead of him placing the flower in my hand, He held it mid-air without reason or plan. It was then that I noticed for the very first time That weed-toting boy could not see: he was blind.

I heard my voice quiver, tears shone like the sun As I thanked him for picking the very best one. "You're welcome," he smiled, and then ran off to play, Unaware of the impact he'd had on my day.

I sat there and wondered how he managed to see A self-pitying woman beneath an old willow tree. How did he know of my self-indulged plight? Perhaps from his heart, he'd been blessed with true sight.

Through the eyes of a blind child, at last I could see The problem was not with the world; the problem was me. And for all of those times I myself had been blind, I vowed to see beauty, and appreciate every second that's mine.

And then I held that wilted flower up to my nose And breathed in the fragrance of a beautiful rose And smiled as that young boy, another weed in his hand About to change the life of an unsuspecting old man.

- a repost cos it really touched me.

From corner, back to corner.

      
“In a world filled with hate, we must still dare to hope. In a world filled with anger, we must still dare to comfort. In a world filled with despair, we must still dare to dream. And in a world filled with distrust, we must still dare to believe.”
 
From corner to corner: 

I sit in the corner, lost in my own dreams, 
I hear the chatter going on in my brain, while I feel in my heart a sharp pain. 
I feel the pain, unknowingly,  I cover my heart
trying to shield it again from another break.
I feel the emptiness, I cry for the unknown. 

Hey, look there here comes a friend who takes your hand and gives you comfort. 
My heart, again it was set free to soar high up in the sky. 
My mind cautions me to be alert,my heart says - here is your eternal live. 
The voices in my head become louder
And the feelings of heart become stronger. I cannot tell the difference between what I am thinking and what my heart is feeling. It's utter chaos.  

I stepped  out of my safe place
I believed you,   I  cared for you and  I loved you more than myself. 
I felt the happiness in our conversations. 
I felt the warmth of your love,
Your words just wooed me into an euphoric state. 
I believed you and  I opened up. I flew to you, like a bee heads for a flower. 
I spread my wings, I took a chance, I soared up in the sky .... Cos I believed you. 
I felt you love,  you  made me feel wonderful. 
You  knew my soul, you  knew my weaknesses, you gave me strength,
I felt empowered by your love...

You gave me the  freedom to be me, to communicate my feelings 
    without being judged...

I forgot my pain. I forgot my corner . Life was beautiful and i started smiling more than often.

Days were sunny and bright. Monsoon breeze brought with it the fragrance of love, the rain gods showered the warm blessings.... Everything was just as beautiful as it can ever be. I had finally found LOVE. 

And then, the unexpected happened  Then the sun was not as bright
the warmth of his love turned cold and distant.
His words were almost non existent and what was once looked forward now became a childish act. 

Initially it was I want to talk to you and slowly it became I need to talk this out. 

There was no more  laughter in our voices, a laughter that I have become so used to. 

The conversations ceased. The approaches were termed sadistic pleasures. 

Now I sit here with only the voices, sometimes in the mind and with a pain in the heart always. I hear the chatter of the past that leaves a lump in my throat. 
I wonder why and  how the wondrous things and the beautiful things 
    always come to an end
And shatter the beliefs.

Alas,   the Shattered Beliefs always remain your friends, you start to believe that beliefs are by no means true. 
The thoughts haunt you with  conversations that last long into the morning. They don't allow you to sleep, they make you weep, and you are left in the corner yet again to heal yourself of the pain. 
    
Your beautiful  wings are clipped, they are ripped right from you as you sit upon a pile of dreams
A pile that is stained with tears, almost shredded with despair

I dared to believe you and I started to dream the impossible.  
What a fool...

I was to think I could trust you.
I was to Believe every word you said to me. 

I humbly returned to my corner as my  Beliefs closed. 
Slammed shut as I stood there begging to be let back in. 

I remember  how hard it was for me to trust you,  to open up to you and to share with you. 

with the tears of yesterday and tomorrow and  my Shattered Beliefs, all I can say is - I don’t miss you, I miss who I thought you will be for me.  

Nothing hurts more than realizing he meant everything to you, but you meant nothing to him.

Do you agree?

In life we all have an unspeakable secret, an irreversible regret, an unreachable dream and an unforgettable love.

Rejection doesn't hurt, expectation does. Lies don't kill, denial does. Ignorance is a bliss, avoiding a curse, Forgetting doesn't heal, forgiveness does.

There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.
- Albert Einstein

Life is too short to wake up in the mornings with regrets. So love the ones who treat you right, forget the ones who don’t. Remember that everything happens for a reason. If you get a chance take it, if it changes your life, then let it. No one said it would be easy, they just promised it would be worth it.

When one door closes another one opens; but we so often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door, that we do not see the ones which open for us.
Alexander Graham Bell

It's hard to wait around for something that you know might never happen ,but it's even harder to give up, when you know it's everything you want.

You cannot do a kindness too soon, for you never know how soon it will be too late!

If you’re mad with someone and nobody’s there to fix the situation… You fix it. Maybe today, that person still wants to be your friend. And if you don’t, tomorrow may be too late.

It's never too late to give up our prejudices.

It’s not too late to seek a newer world.

If you’re in love with somebody, but that person doesn’t know… tell him/her. Maybe today, that person is also in love with you. And if you don’t say it, tomorrow may be too late.

If you really want to kiss somebody… if you need a hug of a friend… ask him/her for it. Maybe they need it more than you do. And if you don’t ask for it today, tomorrow may be too late.

If you really have friends who you appreciate… tell them. Maybe they appreciate you as well. That if you don’t and they leave or go far away today, tomorrow may be too late.

If you love your parents, and never had the chance to show them… do it. Maybe you have them there to show them how you feel. That if you don’t and they leave today, then tomorrow may be too late.

And before its too late, live life to the fullest with these tips:

• Dare to dream the impossible
• Make a habit of giving back more then I take.
• Be thankful for everything that I have.
• Never procrastinate and leave anything undone.
• Be a positive influence for others and make a difference.
• Try new things.
• Always give out smiles.
• Look toward the future and learn from the past.
• Challenge myself.
• Learn from a bad situation and make the most out of it by seeing the positive side.
• Try hard to make people proud of me.
• Not let fear stop me from living.
• Be willing to step out of my comfort zone.
• Never be something or someone I am not.
• Laugh every day.
• Find time for the important people in my life.
• Never go to bed angry.
• Seize new opportunities when they appear.
• Go out of my way to help improve others lives by my actions.
• Find fun and pleasure in small things.

One day my mails to you may stop, my blogs may have no more posts and I may become silent.

If tomorrow starts without me and I’m not there to see, If the sun should rise and find your eyes filled with tears for me; I wish  you wouldn’t cry so much, the way I did today, while thinking of the many things,  I dint get to say to you.

Instead,  when tomorrow starts without me, understand that an angel came and called my name and took me by the hand; she said my place was ready, in heaven far above and that I’d have to leave behind all those I dearly love.

I thought of all the yesterdays, the good ones and the bad; I thought of all the love we shared and all the fun we had. If I could relive yesterday, just even for a while; I’d want to wish you the good luck and best of everything and maybe see you smile. But then I fully realized that this could never be, for emptiness and memories would take the place of me;

When I walked through Heaven’s Gates, I felt so much at home.
God looked down and smiled at me, from his great golden throne,
He said, “Today your life on earth is past but here life starts anew. I promise no tomorrow but today will always last; and since each day’s the same way there’s no longing for the past. You have been so faithful, so trusting and so true; though there were times you did some things, you knew you shouldn’t do. But you have been forgiven and now at last you’re free of your sins”

So when tomorrow starts without me, don’t think we’re far apart, for every time you think of me, I’m right here in your heart…

Be kind and compassionate!

Did u know that the people who seem the strongest are usually the most sensitive? that the people who exhibit the maximum kindness are usually the first to get mistreated?  Did u know that the ones who take care of others all the time are usually the ones that need it the most?  Did u know the 3 hardest things to say are: I love u, I'm sorry and Help me? Be Kind, for EVERYONE u meet is fighting Their own battle...

"Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless."

~ Mother Theresa

"You can't do anything about the length of your life, but you can do something about its width and depth. "

~ Shira Tehrani

At one point in life, you will learn the difference between holding a hand and chaining a soul.

You will learn that love isn’t leaning but lending support.

You will begin to accept your defeats with the grace of an adult, not the grief of a child.

You will decide to build your roads on today, for tomorrow’s ground is too uncertain.

You will help someone plant a garden instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.

You will learn that God has given you the strength to endure and that you really do have worth.

Life is a mixture of sunshine and rain,
Laughter and pleasure, teardrops and pain,
All days can’t be bright, but it’s certainly true,
There was never a cloud the sun didn’t shine through—
So just keep on smiling whatever betide you,
Secure in the knowledge that God is always beside you,
And you’ll find when you smile
your day will be brighter
And all of your burdens will seem so much lighter—
For each time you smile you will find it true
Somebody, Somewhere will Smile Back At You,
And nothing on earth can make life more worthwhile
Than the sunshine and warmth of a Beautiful Smile.

This is the beginning of a New Day. I will use this day to use as I will. I can waste it or grow in its light and be of service to others. But what I do with this day is important because I have exchanged a day of my life for it. When tomorrow comes, today will be gone forever. I hope I will not regret the price I paid for it.